There are a lot of horrible songs that have been popular at one time or another...I've even probably liked some of them. But, I have to say that the most horrible song I've heard in a long time is Katy Perry's "California Girls." Actually, I'm pretty sure anything by Katy Perry is pretty bad. But what I notice most about this song, besides Katy's obvious lack of singing ability, is how she seems to have some weird undefinable accent. As I thought about this, I realized that a lot of other pop singers have the same accent. A popaccent, if you will. Ke$ha totally has a popaccent. Jessica Simpson, on the one or two songs that made it on the radio...has a popaccent. Britney Spears definitely has a popaccent. Where does this come from? Is it the lack of singing ability that makes it so words need to be pronounced differently?
The most glaring example is in "California Girls" when Katy says "us." Just us...a simple word to say, but it comes out "aueees" or something. It is hard to write how it sounds. Or the word "love." Lauevveee....basically it is "aueee" that is used instead of every other vowel.
So, my plan is now, instead of getting paid to blog or write (since to date I have made exactly zero dollars from this endeavor), I'm going to be a pop star, since I'm pretty good at impersonating accents, I figure with autotune and my new popaccent, I should be all set. Airbrush out the few pounds I've gained since highschool (yeah, I said few, what, you want to say something?) and add some hair extentions, and your going to be asking for my autograph soon.
*Ok wait, I just went to find a link I could post to the song and realized that the song is actually spelled "California Gurls." It is quite possible that pop music is subversively trying to create its own language system. Here is what the first verse of the song should say when written out:
I know a place, where the grass is always greenAR
Warm, wet, and wild, must be something in the WAHTAHrrrrr
Sippin' gin and juice layin' underneath the palm trees
Boysss break there naeks, tryin' to creep a little sneak peek (at auess)
Looking at the lyrics I just wrote out, I'm reminded of the class on Chaucer I took in college. It looks a lot like olde English. Perhaps English writers like Chaucer and C.S. Lewis and whoever wrote the story that starts with a "B" about the knight..or crap...I think oh yeah, Beowulf...I bet they all had unpublished manuscripts with titles like "Arthurian Gurls" or "Art thou Downe?"
I also have to comment that Rihanna's "Rude Boy" is probably the worst song ever made, but she already has her own accent going on, so that is just an aside.